


Opposites

by kyanitedragon



Series: Tokyo Ghoul Aspecs [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alloromantic asexual character, Aro!Touka, Aromantic Character, Aromantic allosexual character, Asexual Character, F/M, Mentions of Sex, Queerplatonic relationship, ace!Kaneki, internalized aphobia/amisia, mentions of romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 13:29:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21137480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyanitedragon/pseuds/kyanitedragon
Summary: Kaneki and Touka realize that neither of them are allo, and work out what kind of relationship they should have from now on. (Takes place after Ch125 but before the 24th Ward Raid.)Warnings: A bit of romantic sap because I headcanon Kaneki as a romantic person, mentions of romance and sex, and internalized aphobia/amisia





	Opposites

Kaneki still couldn’t believe it. Touka married him. She was his wife. He had a _wife!_ Whenever he thought of either of those two words — marriage and wife — oh, and husband too! — he would feel all happy and jittery and full of butterflies.

He would meet up with Touka in secret whenever he had time, and often they would _do it_. But after a while, Kaneki noticed something a little... strange? Whenever they had sex, it was always Touka’s idea. She was always the one that brought it up. She would ask him if he wanted to, and most times he would agree and then they would do it.

What the strange part of it was, was that whenever he was around Touka, he didn't exactly desire to have sex with her.

Yes, he did sleep with her when she brought it up and asked him. And yes, he enjoyed it — a lot — and he knew he had a sex drive, but he wondered why he never felt desire for Touka.

_Am I not supposed to desire it? Did those high school guys truly make up and exaggerate those sexual desires? Is this how sex usually works? But then, what is it that makes Touka bring up wanting to have sex? It can’t just be that she’s more blunt than me, right? There’s gotta be something else._

_Something I’m missing._

_Maybe something’s wrong with me..._

\---

After so long, Kaneki was back. And he was back for good. They were together. And they were _together_-together too. They were an official item. They were even _married_ now.

The first few days were wonderful. She knew for a while that Kaneki felt the same, but it was another thing entirely for them to hook up and sleep together.

The only problem was that Kaneki was... suffocating...? Touka wasn’t sure if it was the right word to use — it sounded a bit harsh, but it seemed to fit closely enough. Kaneki was always bright-eyed when he saw her, and blushing often, and unable to stop smiling at her. And after a while of being together he worked up the nerve to hug and cuddle her. He would snuggle and nuzzle up against her. She let him do it. That’s what couples did, after all! But as time passed, she grew more and more uncomfortable by the actions. At first she thought she was just in a bad position. So she would tell Kaneki and then she would find a more comfortable position and he would wrap his arms around her again. But no matter what position she tried, it still felt wrong.

_It’s just a cuddle. Why is this so uncomfortable? _Touka squeezed her eyes shut. _I hope he gets up soon. I really don’t want his arms around me like this, but I can’t just tell him that._

Kaneki’s grip around her loosened, and then he pulled away completely.

“Hey.” He whispered softly. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” She cried immediately, and gave him a smile. But he seemed to notice that it wasn’t genuine. He also noticed how she didn’t try to initiate the cuddle again despite claiming that everything was fine.

“Are you... not liking our relationship?” Kaneki asked.

“No!” She cried, and this time she sounded honest. “I love spending time with you! I love being with you! It’s nice.”

Kaneki quirked an eyebrow. “But... do you love me?”

She hesitated. It was such a simple phrase, but she found herself unable to say the words.

Kaneki’s eyes dropped. “So you don’t.”

“I... I don’t know.” Touka whispered. She brought her knees up and wrapped her arms around her legs. “I thought I did. I don’t know _what_ I feel.”

“What do you mean?” Kaneki asked.

Love was love. Sure, love was complicated, but he knew that the feeling he got when he was with Touka was love. The feeling when she kissed him, or even just touched him.

“I...” She hesitated. “You’re attractive, and I know that I would want to _do it_ with you, but— It’s just not how I imagined it’d be.”

“What isn’t?”

“Being together. Dating.” Touka admitted. “Cuddling is so uncomfortable.” It sounded dumb when she said it out loud, and she turned away, ashamed of herself.

“Really?” Kaneki laughed a little. There was no judgement in it, just surprise. “Because it seems like it's almost the opposite for me.”

“Huh?” She looked back at him.

“I love the cuddling, and the kissing, and being with you. But I don’t care if I _do it_ with you or not. I mean, don’t get me wrong. It’s nice and feels good and I do enjoy it. But if we were to never do it again, and we were to just... be close like this — cuddling — I wouldn’t mind it.”

Touka shook her head. “This isn’t right. This doesn’t make sense. Either of it.”

“...What do you mean?”

_Am I really broken?_ Kaneki wondered. _Are we both broken?_

Touka jumped to her feet, and left the room.

Kaneki just sat there.

_Is there something wrong with me? Or with her? Is there something wrong with both of us?_

Touka peeked her head back in the room. “Come on. Follow me.”

He trailed behind her as she led the way to their command center. Once there, she plopped down at the computer, and brought up the search engine. She typed in _“not enjoying romance in a relationship”_ and began scrolling. She stopped when something caught her eye.

“What’s that mean?” She pointed to the word _“aromantic.”_

Kaneki shrugged. He had never seen the word before. “Click it.”

They both scanned the page, and then came across the words _“aromantic”_ and _“asexual”_ and their definitions.

**Asexuality: Feeling little to no sexual attraction.**

**Aromanticism: Feeling little to no romantic attraction.**

“Sexual attraction?” Kaneki whispered to himself. “Asexual...?”

Touka brought up a new window, and searched _“aromantic”._ She brought up a few pages and read them. Kaneki read them too.

There were a few more definitions that varied slightly, a few images of flags, and then Touka found some personal stories. There was silence between them as Touka scrolled through forums and blogs, reading the experiences of these people that identified as _aromantic_.

“I... I think I’m aromantic.” Touka whispered after a while. “A lot of this fits.”

“Not the romantic part, but the sexual part fits me.” Kaneki said, pointing to someone’s story. They had described themself as an _aromantic asexual_. If Touka was aromantic, did that make him asexual?

“Can I?” Kaneki asked, gesturing to the computer screen.

Touka nodded and quickly sat up, letting Kaneki take her place. Just as Touka had done, he searched for experiences of asexuality on forums and blogs and read through them.

“Yeah, just like you said,” Touka began, “the sex parts don’t fit me, but a few of the romantic parts of the aromantic asexuals do fit me.”

Kaneki did one more quick search. If someone could be only asexual or only aromantic. He found confirmation that yes, someone could be one and not the other. He found out that people that were both were called aroaces. Those that were asexual but not aromantic were called alloaces. And those that were aromantic but not asexual were called alloaros.

“This all makes so much sense...” Touka whispered, “I thought I just didn’t like all that sappy romance because I was a tomboy!”

Kaneki nodded. “I know! Everything is coming together in my head now. I always wondered why teens were having sex in high school!”

They looked at each other, and then smiled. All their worries were gone. They weren’t broken, they were okay, they were normal!

Kaneki was asexual and Touka was aromantic.

\---

“So now what?” Kaneki asked. “Now that you know you’re aromantic...” He glanced back at his computer and trailed off. Plenty of aromantics — aros, they called themselves — didn’t want to be in a romantic relationship.

Touka looked down. “I don’t know. I guess I... don’t love you, and apparently I never can...”

That was pretty daunting to think about.

“But you love me sexually?” Kaneki asked.

Touka grimaced. She opened her mouth, but hesitated at giving him an answer.

“I’m not judging, Touka-chan. I don’t mind and I don’t think it’s weird. I mean, I guess it is a little weird to me because I’m apparently asexual and I didn’t know sexual attraction was even a _thing_ until now, and I can’t even imagine what it feels like — but I just want to know how you feel, and I think that we should try to work out whatever our relationship should be.”

Touka nodded slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, I feel sexually attracted to you, and you’re one of my best friends, and I care about you a lot, but not in a romantic way.”

“Okay, well, I feel romantically attracted to you but not sexually. And yeah, you’re one of my best friends too. And although I’m not sexually attracted to you, you _are_ the only person I’d be willing to do it with.”

“Really?” Touka asked.

Kaneki nodded. “Like I said earlier, I do enjoy it. I think I’m — what was the word?” He turned back to the computer, and scanned the page. “Sex-favorable.Yeah. A sex-favorable ace.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t like the cuddling.” Kaneki said. “So then, if we decide to keep “dating”, what will that make our relationship? Friends with benefits?”

“Maybe...” Touka whispered. “But I don’t want us to go back to how our relationship was before. I like the domestic part we have now. The late night talks in bed. I... I’ve always wanted to have a partner and a family, and I think I would like to have one with you.”

“Y-you do?” Kaneki asked. He started blushing.

“But... I don’t want us to cuddle. And I don’t always like kissing.”

“That’s okay with me, Touka-chan.” He whispered softly.

“It is? You wouldn’t want a wife that you can kiss and cuddle and for her to enjoy all of it?”

“I love _you_, Touka-chan.”

“But... I can’t love you.”

Kaneki opened his arms, asking for a hug.

Touka hesitated for a moment, but decided she wanted the comfort so she walked into his arms. Kaneki gave really good hugs.

“I know you can’t love me romantically, Touka-chan. Please don’t feel bad about that. You’re aromantic, it’s just who you are. And besides, I know you do care for me, it’s just not in a romantic way. That’s enough for me.”

\---

The next days were spent adjusting how their relationship worked. Kaneki made sure to ask before doing anything romantic. Cuddles were out, but Touka enjoyed sitting directly beside Kaneki so that they were still touching. Sometimes she would intertwine their arms or legs. She didn’t like the romantic nature of cuddling, but she did like having Kaneki’s presence directly beside her.

Kaneki would also always ask before kissing Touka. Some times she would say it was okay, sometimes she would direct him to kiss her cheek or hand instead, and other times she didn’t want to be kissed at all.

Whenever they _did it_, Touka made sure to pay closer attention to Kaneki’s reactions. He tended to miss a lot of sexual cues, so she continued to bluntly ask him if he wanted to have sex. She made sure that he always wanted to, and that he was never doing it out of some sense of obligation.

On their own time, they each did research on their own identities, as well as the other’s identity. They learned all they could, and then had discussions with each other about the specific nuances of their own identities and boundaries. It was very much a learning curve, and their relationship was pretty unconventional and growing more so, but they were able to make it work, and they were both happy.


End file.
